Meaningless

Woke up realizing that it is another day.another day but why does it feel the same. Waking up everyday is a struggle.whay am I here? Is this it? Is this the reason why I am here? To work, pay the bills , feeling this constant anciety of the if's in life. If this all that is, then I dont see the meaning of it. Or maybe there is more to it that life can offer, or maybe there is more of it that I can offer to life?? For sure, I will not be able to find meaning of life, but one thing for sure, that probably is the reason of living. To try, to find meaning in everyday.

phase book

I decided to deactivate my facebook account. It came to my attention that i became hooked up with my iphone. whenever i feel anxious and out of place i just take out my i phone and pretend to be looking at my facebook. As if i was chatting with somebody. Instead of facing the source of anxiety it became an avenue for me to shun from the feeling of discomfort. It will be known to me if indeed facebook is just another form of excuse for me or its an authentic way to reconnect with friends and love ones! ....well see

Becoming who you are

While thinking on this topic I remember my anthropology class back in college. My professor once said "People have different personalities, a group of people will create society , a group of personalities will give rise to culture, culture helps create standard and norms of the society, which in turn will help maintain the complex nature of society"
If one will closely examine the statement above, personality, culture and society is interwoven. Society's norms and standard sets forth the idea of acceptable and undesirable behavior and human act as a whole.With this we grow up to conform with what the society expects us to be.
What about if we dare not live how the society tells us.....what about trying to discover the REAL you and not the PERson produced by the various social factories....
What about becoming who you are! not bound by belief system... what kind of a person will you become? are you going to be more enlightened or more savage than animals.

These are the questions I would like to know the answers yet will not be able to.
One thing i know is that when there are enough number of brave souls bracing the social standard, people will began to recognize the need to reevaluate the set of norms....
This in turn will lead to the development of new set of personalities and eventually will influence the culture of the society as a whole
Dont be afraid to discover your self apart from the standards and norms of society......
Be a part of a new wave of the awakening of inner consciouness
Be a pionere in molding the society's culture
dont be afraid of becoming you!

To be or nOt to be

In this world of parrallelism one is faced with constant struggle of making decission.
It is troublesome that many people now a days are complacent in not making choices. By letting "fate" lead their days. Well I dont disagree to those who would feel that way. But personally I believe that decission making is one of the precious gift that mankind is previlage to have and most often we forego the oppurtunity to exercise this innate human process. It is widely believed in the christian world that we humans were created to become co-creators. It can be well explained biologically but for me I see it in a different dimension. I see It in my own life. By making choices I exercise my ablility to evolve. Wrong or right choices is not an issue. For I understand that I am here at this point of time and space to experience everything that life has to offer. Right or Wrong, all will help me realize my purpose.Yet at times I am caught enmeshed with indecission. That in is self is a choice. But to choose not to make a choice hinders the ability to evolve, realize and progress. It is complacency.I consider it a sin graver than making a wrongful choices. For you are hindering LIfE itself. To be or not be. It is a choice. Your choice. Our choice to let life or not to let life seed its own course and purpose.

four corners

dedicated to all of our troubled youths:

Four confining walls for my one broken soul
searching so desperately for something to make me whole
they say look inside and I will find the answers
but they dont hear my words and they dismiss my prayer

So why bother?

Why should I try and give it my all
when I know they'll let me fall
They're supposed to strengthen me but I feel so small
as if they dont enable my power at all

oh lord what will I do?
for every problem they have pill
do they even consider how I feel?
it makes me wonder how much is real

Whats going on?
I want to be better I want to be strong
but they just keep me here; it's been so long
I feel its's time for me to move on
so these four confining walls will be left behind at last

why struggle when they dont help at all
It is I who must face my past

BY : anonymous

sleepless nights

Lately I have trouble getting a good night sleep. Allot of things are running in my mind.Most of it is my job. I know being a nurse these days means that I am pretty well protected from the impact of the economic turmoil.

In reality im not. Indeed working as a traveller take a toll already. Being expensive , meaning the hospital is paying more to the agency yet less to us would mean that it is a sound decision by the management to get rid of us. I understand their point.

I am embracing this progress. When I close my eyes I understand that I dont belong to this workplace. I want to move on. Or not.

In my contemplation i am thinking this past year. Why do I want to leave?
Is it because of things that I wanted to forget?
Asking this questions made me ponder deeply......
Am I running from a past?
Am I trying to avoid people who hurt me?
Have I not stop hurting and maybe finding a new place will help me heal and start over?
Or is it because carreer wise it is a wise move to work in acute hospital so that when my contract ends I will be more marketable in this highly competitive environment?

Or is this a calling for altruism?


As I search down the road of possibilities, more and more questions I encountered.

Well whatever my decision will be, what is important is that a decision has been reach.....Time will tell if is right or wrong.

Its time.

chapter

..... nowadays i am saddened by the things that occured.
My housemates were I have learn to live and love are now leaving me.
Not because I did something but rather it is time for them to move on with thier life. Be a family.
I have no quams living with them. No complains for they are easy and considerate to live with......I am happy for them....
I am now again left to take a pause of my life. Where would I like to be?
i feel indiferent about it. Or maybe I should accept the fact that being alive and to embrace life is to realize that everything changes........
....well a chapter has been closed. And my stay with them was a happy ending of a chapter. ... Now I am writing a different chapter... new script, new cast , new theme...... I will see where and what will this chapter be about.....