four corners

dedicated to all of our troubled youths:

Four confining walls for my one broken soul
searching so desperately for something to make me whole
they say look inside and I will find the answers
but they dont hear my words and they dismiss my prayer

So why bother?

Why should I try and give it my all
when I know they'll let me fall
They're supposed to strengthen me but I feel so small
as if they dont enable my power at all

oh lord what will I do?
for every problem they have pill
do they even consider how I feel?
it makes me wonder how much is real

Whats going on?
I want to be better I want to be strong
but they just keep me here; it's been so long
I feel its's time for me to move on
so these four confining walls will be left behind at last

why struggle when they dont help at all
It is I who must face my past

BY : anonymous

sleepless nights

Lately I have trouble getting a good night sleep. Allot of things are running in my mind.Most of it is my job. I know being a nurse these days means that I am pretty well protected from the impact of the economic turmoil.

In reality im not. Indeed working as a traveller take a toll already. Being expensive , meaning the hospital is paying more to the agency yet less to us would mean that it is a sound decision by the management to get rid of us. I understand their point.

I am embracing this progress. When I close my eyes I understand that I dont belong to this workplace. I want to move on. Or not.

In my contemplation i am thinking this past year. Why do I want to leave?
Is it because of things that I wanted to forget?
Asking this questions made me ponder deeply......
Am I running from a past?
Am I trying to avoid people who hurt me?
Have I not stop hurting and maybe finding a new place will help me heal and start over?
Or is it because carreer wise it is a wise move to work in acute hospital so that when my contract ends I will be more marketable in this highly competitive environment?

Or is this a calling for altruism?


As I search down the road of possibilities, more and more questions I encountered.

Well whatever my decision will be, what is important is that a decision has been reach.....Time will tell if is right or wrong.

Its time.

chapter

..... nowadays i am saddened by the things that occured.
My housemates were I have learn to live and love are now leaving me.
Not because I did something but rather it is time for them to move on with thier life. Be a family.
I have no quams living with them. No complains for they are easy and considerate to live with......I am happy for them....
I am now again left to take a pause of my life. Where would I like to be?
i feel indiferent about it. Or maybe I should accept the fact that being alive and to embrace life is to realize that everything changes........
....well a chapter has been closed. And my stay with them was a happy ending of a chapter. ... Now I am writing a different chapter... new script, new cast , new theme...... I will see where and what will this chapter be about.....

Friend

I am wondering if it was a mistake to let you go
.....im still longing to be with you. I hate that I love you. May be it was for your good to have let you go. You are a wild horse that needs to be tamed. I am just not the one to do it. May be one day you will return or maybe you will not. To see you going through allot of troubles lately bothers me. Yet things sometimes are just out of my hands. Remember that I am always here for you. things may change yet I will still be here. Circumstances might have change your perceprion of me. I may not be that patient enough to understand you. Bare in mind that I have my limits too. Even though were not together, you tought me to express myself. I have no regrets of the words i said or things I did. I surrender everything to the force that made it possible for the two of us......still with love and care my thoughts are with you.

Count your blessings

Most of the time I am focused on my own pwersonal struggles.. Believing that I am perhaps the only person in the world to have this burden.... So focuses that I miss out to appreciate the good things in my life...Ill give one example to illustrate this. One piece of Blank sheet of plain paper with a dot in the center... What will you take notice first? .... Almost all of us will say" the paper has a dot" making it tarnished and useless.... But what about the rest of the paper? the clear part of it? NO.. people dont usually see the good side of the situation and that includes me. I tend to evaluate myself by taking undue notice on the problems that I have.. The things that is lacking.. I forgot to appreciate the other side of the coin.. the biggest part of the whole picture called life... May we appreciate the rest of the things in our life by taking notice of what we have....I am hopefull that me and the rest of us will learn to change our paradigm by taking heed of the blessings and considering troubles as a blessing in disguise... May the force be with us

Count your blessings

Grace

I screwed up again.... never learn the lessons of past relationships...
Seem too hard when you try to give it all but right from the start you know that the person cant be yours.... useless from the beginning. Yet I still did it anyway... hoping that someday that person will take notice of the things you have done... stupid!its lyk kissing the person while putting the blanket when one sleep......thinking that persons' need before yours...... I HAVE forgotten to place any article in this blogspot for I was so engrossed .....I am a passionate person... then one day I woke up realizing that all is just but a delusion.... Giving everything all the way..... for the one you love..... yet I am HUMAN being.... I still need to be loved back, to be cared for....... time to let go and move on... Its hard but thats the price I have to take....Hoping I have learn this this time....Will I be bitter and scared for the nxt relationship? NO... Im gonna still be passionate as ever be.....by gods grace I will still try my best to work things out......